I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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