I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
