You really coming over, don't trick.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
