First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
