Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
