Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Vodka?
Forever.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
