You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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