also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
