It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
