She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhhâ€
Randomize
