Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
bring money and cleavage
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
