Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
