She is in my trunk
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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