I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
