so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
