You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
