Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize