my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
