it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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