the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize