i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
