Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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