You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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