i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
