I think i sorta joined a cult last night
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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