Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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