I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
