I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
