i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
