I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
