Pappa wants mamma naked
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
