you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
