New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
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