You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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