I'm going to jail i love you
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Buhtt sex?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
