Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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