i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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