Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
