i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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