God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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