Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
