we're blogging at a bar
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
