those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
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