It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
is it fun? or sober?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize