Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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