seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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