Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
