I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
