dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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