So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
