Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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