How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize