Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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