Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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