is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
