I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
