I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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