Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
