He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
