Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize