We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
