I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I think i got beer on your cat.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
