If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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