we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
