Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
