well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
