Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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