I forgot how hot balto sounded
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
