I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
