Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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