Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
