I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He did a backflip because drugs
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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