Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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