I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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