Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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