Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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