I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
