Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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