Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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