I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
operation harelip BJ is a go
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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