I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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