Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
