why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
never play flip cup with pint glasses
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
