i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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