I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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