Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
